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Fair warning to all of my readers, this report is not for the faint of heart.  If you enjoyed one of my warm-hearted tales of surf trips to Mexico, exploring back yards on a beautiful morning, or easy bouldering on a pleasant afternoon, please close out this screen and move on to another more friendly trip report.  Now, if you fancy a tale filled with group suffering, pain, fear in the heart of the fearless, and a trek of certain death, you have come to the right place.  Please let me introduce to you the cast of this episode; our fearless leader, Chad, is a world class mountaineer with 40 fourteeners under his belt, summits on Kilimanjaro, and the Matterhorn.  He is built like a cartoon super hero, more dangerous than a great white, and the most incredibly humble human I have ever met.  My wife and Chad's sister, Mer, is second in command with eight fourteeners, an entire life of mountain experience, spiritual leader, and our medical doctor.  Lilly is Chad and Mer's little sister.  She is the nurturer of the group, has an entire life of mountain experience with seven fourteener summits.  She always maintains fairness and has such a strong intuition we can always count on her.  Maggie is Chad's brand new bride who is quietly the artist photographer of the group with plenty of mountain experience, and the one we can always count on to do what is courageous.  Sparkle is the mother of the group with 20 fourteeners  under her belt, has spent her entire life living in coloful Colorado and is our compassionate matriarch.  Arch is her husband, an eagle scout and an avid outdoorsman.  Arch is the reason we are here today; it is his birthday and second fourteener.  His son, Ben, joins us as the second scout of the group, and is a competitive endurance racer.  His kindness and gentle strength are his assets to the group.  There is Sunny, me, with virtually no experience in the mountains, no fourteener summits, and really only one substantial hike under my belt.  However, my brand new knee that I purchased last year guarantees a summit.
Ahhh Mt Evans, one of the easier fourteeners one can summit.  Rumor has it there is even a road that leads to the summit and that it may only be a three mile hide round trip.  This is going to be great; I'll get my first fourteener and we should be back in Aspen before the clock strikes two.  Chad suggests we take the route to the right to make it a touch longer and a bit more of a challenge.  Like the good lemmings we are, we happily agree and onward with our journey.
 
Off to the north ridge glaciers were kind enough to carve our these spectacular views.  The eight o'clock start and the comfortable pace slightly concerns Chad because the thunderstorms are like clockwork on fourteeners every afternoon.  If one tries to summit late in the afternoon, it very well may be there last.
 
As we trek to the heavens, I spot a wizard making short work of nearly vertical climbing.  He decides to wait up for his apprentice and mocks our awkward ascent as we hike on.  I think about taking them home with me, but I realize they probably would get car sick, and no one likes a puking mountain goat in the car.
 
Crossing the rock ridge, I catch a glimpse of Bierstad, a nearby fourteener.  We all slightly start noticing this trek as taking way too long, and the elements are starting to turn on us skyward.  I look to Chad at this point, and he didn't have anything to say; we are rolling the dice to reach this summit.
 
The late start and drizzly pace are catching up with us, health problems and the technical boulders slow us in a grayish fashion.  Concerns about the weather are written on all of our faces.  Let us take a time out here and learn a little about weather from Mer the Meteorologist.  The sun burns at a scorching 11,000 degrees Fahrenheit while lightning burns at an unbelievable 50,000 degrees!!!  It's the number two killer in weather-related deaths in the world and kills 126 Coloradoans a year.  Colorado is ranked 8th in America in lightning deaths.  Being that most of us in the group are aware of these facts and we are standing at 13,900 feet at this point, and lightning loves to strike high places, concern is completely legitimate.  The clouds are marching in like Hawaiian waves on a monster day; a misty layer of fear grazes our moods.  As of now, you may notice that no one's hair is standing up on end, yet, which is the first sign of a lightning strike.
 
Reaching the false summit, a machine gun popping noise greets us bouncing off the canyon walls rattling our brains into confusion.  Our first omen hits us like a freight train; an angel is rushing in below to pluck someone out at the base of our hike.  I sure hope he has the Mountain Rescue insurance card.
 
With the summit in view like a carrot in front of a horse and Mountain Rescue below, we rally and press on.
 
The great mother storm is nipping at our heels no matter how hard we push.  The summit is near and the weather has to take a back burner in our heads for the time being.  Our goal is in reach and my first fourteener is nearly tangible.
 
Have I mentioned yet that Chad will take every chance to put himself in the most critical situations?  Here is Chad and Maggie making easy work of a very difficult, extremely exposed 5.7 near the summit.  These newlyweds make a perfect match.
 
THE SUMMIT!!!  Here we are at 14,264 feet.  Fourteener summited for all, but what is the sudden chill in the air?  Chad looks over at Mer and shouts, "Mer your hair is standing straight up....EVERYONE DOWN EVERYONE DOWN GET OFF THE SUMMIT!!!   Eight seconds later after this shot...BBBAAABBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!  A great lightning bolt strikes somewhere in our vicinity, and the summit turns into a war scene.  Mer is yelling for me to follow and I am running in every direction not knowing where to escape.  We spot a shallow archway of rock, open on both sides, for some form of cover in hopes the lightning will spare us.
 
Serious concern came across our faces.  We sat in silence praying, sporadically whispering gentle comforting words to each other.  Chad looks at Mer with utter concern as the hail pelts us in a torrential downpour and softly says, "Mer, if something happens to me, you are in charge, and if something happens to you, I am in charge."  That's when I knew the situation had grown extremely critical.
 
We wait out the swooping raven storm wondering what would happen next.  While the lightning and hail surrounds us, concern slithers across our faces, but my wife...not a chance.  If heaven were coming in the following minutes, she was ready.
 
The weather breaks for an instant and we are off racing across the freshly ice coated boulders toward the steep descent.  I noticed the next wave of ominous clouds marching in the distance.
 

The rocks are extremely slick as we descend as quickly as our bodies will allow.  The rocks are fatal by themselves as each step threatens to break an ankle, shin, skull.  We round the corner that allows us to descend the front part of the mountain and I look up to see an enormous thick bolt of lightning touch the ground just behind our parking spot miles below.  Still being the highest objects and miles away from the car we search for cover once again.

 

At this cave we all felt fortunate that we were off the main part of Mt. Evans and at the next weather break, we may be able to reach the parking lot.  The storm breaks again and we are off to make another push, knowing at any moment the next round could be on us.
 
The next set of electricity starts popping lightning all around and we make our best impression of sparrows flying to the next cave for shelter.  Our danger level is at an all time high and we all know this could get really bad really quick.  Pictured in the back is Ben running as if his life is counting on it, because it does.
 
We pile into a petite cave holding each other tight, as the white fingers form from the charred sky touch different rocks around us every few seconds.  The storm lets up a bit and Chad comes out to assess the situation.  I look at Chad and ask, "Do we stay or go?  It looks bad towards our car and we can't see what's coming behind the ridge, but it's not doing anything at the moment."  He looks at all of us and says, "This is the most dangerous situation I have ever been in.  And this could very well become fatal.  It's 50-50 if we leave the cave."  Then Ben asks with a clear concern in his tone, "What would you do if you were alone?"  Chad replies, " I would make a run for it."  The faithful lemming move on, with only trust in our captain.  No mutiny in this family.
 
Sure enough, we hustle towards the parking lot in the charged air only one mile further and CRACKLE SNAP BOOOOMMMM!!!!   The lightning storm encircles us like we were bloodied in a shark tank.  This is the last place we are able to hide and the lightning splits us into two groups.  We are on our own from here on out.  Mer, Lilly, Maggie, and I make our way forward through the flats with the occasional near strike when a white flash surrounds me.  I turn around looking back at the girls wondering where the flash has been and as I made eye contact...Baaaaaaazzzooommmmmm!!!  The girls hit the deck, and I just stare in shock at them.  I think to myself, maybe lying flat would be a good idea as well, as I drop, my fading mental and physical stamina forget to avoid the rocks and my new knee is split open.  At this point everyone has some kind of injury and we are all trudging along absolutely exhausted.  We ran to a small rock and became barnacles.  Here we are, out in the being shot at in every direction with no cover.  Once again, for the second time this hike, we all look at each other as if it might be the last time.  'I love yous' are exchanging from family member to family member knowing this is probably how we are going to end this temporary existence.  Completely immovable and the storm showing absolutely no sign of letting up, we are trapped.  The camera is put away and I am preparing for the worst.  The second group approaches trying to keep the forward momentum in reaching the beautiful wonderful RUBBER tired cars.  No one panics as Chad instructs us to make a run for he car eons away.  Maggie leads the charge ahead through bolts of lightning crackling at our shoestrings as we scramble to Neverland.  The last mile is wide open with thigh to waist high rocks that give little to no shelter from Zeus' throwing display of strobed jagged bolts.  We accept what our future most probably holds and make a turtle sprint for the car.  Every 20 feet for the next hour we crouch into the lowest run we can and hug a rock for the sweet false sense of security the rock could afford.  Maybe the rock can take the brunt of the 50,000 degree burn and not hurt me, I think to myself.  As the lactic acid feasts on our muscles, we collapse every ten feet for the adrenalin cannot overcome the pain.  Knowing any second now one of us will be hit and we will somehow have to get that person to safety lurks in the backs of our minds.  We run through the grass, into a river, up the road and finally reach the car.  Unable to stand, Lilly, Maggie, and I wait for everyone else to reach the promised land while we grab out ankles gasping for air.  Feeling guilty for reaching the car first we don't dare get in the car.  We wait for all of our fates to unfold on this ominous day.
 
High on narrowly escaping the mountains grasp, I ask Lilly to pose for one last picture.  Notice here hair; no, it's not from the wind.  The thick electricity in the air has all the girls' hair shooting out in every direction.  The rest of the crew tells us to get in the car before we are struck in the parking lot.  I guess we are pushing our luck, but somehow we make it and it will be a birthday party we will never forget.  As we drive away, I take one last look over my shoulder to the mighty Mt. Evan and see only black over the horizon.  Chad made the right call and the lemmings live to see another day.  Our nearly fatal error of starting two hours too late almost cost us much more than a little hail damage and minor spills.  This was an incredible bonding experience for all of us and when life is on the line again, I hope they will all be with me.  Learn from our mistake and always follow the guidelines of Colorado mountaineering.  My lessons learned.

This story is dedicated to my wife, Mer, without your calming presence, things could have turned out much differently.  I am so in love with you.  Thank you for being my bridesby.

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